Saturday, January 08, 2005

Big news...

So I was all excited because I actually got my period on Tuesday. Then my sister called to say that she thought she might be pregnant! She was four days late, and had taken an early detection pregnancy test on Sunday and there was a faint second line. She wasn't sure though, because she'd then taken another one, and her doctor had given her one as well and those had both come up negative. But she said she's *never* late, so she was wondering what was going on. I told her to wait a couple of days and then take another one, 'cause they're not always positive right away. I was really happy for her when she told me, but at the same time a bit sad - we were supposed to get pregnant together. And I've been trying so hard to be positive about not getting my period...

Then I talked to her again today and she's definitely pregnant - she took another test today, and it was a definite positive, a nice strong second line. I'm away right now, visiting a very good friend in Baltimore, as M is in Europe for work. So I'll stop by her place on my way home on Sunday night so we can be excited about it together. She said she wasn't that psyched until we talked - it's so much more fun to share with someone else.

I really thought I was fine with it, and I *am* excited for her, but I can't sleep. I've been lying in bed for the past hour, and can't stop thinking about it. First of all, thinking about how, like I said, we were supposed to do this together. And I would have waited a lot longer for her than she did for me... About how it's so fucking unfair that she gets pregnant the first goddamned month she tries to. About how hard it is going to be not to let her see me being sad. About how stupid my fucking body is - I'm in the best shape of my life, and it doesn't think I can handle being pregnant? What the fuck is up with that???

I need a hug.


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