Wednesday, December 01, 2004


I finally got around to writing about what I had been musing on after watching Angels in America on Sunday night. Then, of course, blogspot ate my entry. I really hate when that happens. Ah well, I guess I'll give it another shot.

First off, my girl troubles... had the ultrasound last Wednesday, everything was normal. It was totally cool to watch though. First she did my kidneys, then bladder and uterus, then ovaries. that was fascinating - you could see the egg follicles and everything! Also got blood test results back. All normal. *sigh*. I really thought that my estrogen levels would be low and that would explain everything. Guess it's back to the drawing board on that.

I was really struck by the scene in Angels in America where Louis and Joe were walking on the beach, and Louis told Joe that he was going to go back to Prior. Joe was devastated, and went so far as to take all his clothes off in the freezing cold, in an effort to show Louis that he would do anything for him. I feel like that kind of all consuming passion is missing in my life. What I realized while I was writing this entry the last time is that the reason I feel that way now, I think, is that my husband and I never fight. Ever. About anything. When I think back to my previous bf (W-) from college, while we didn't fight often, we did have some incredibly emotional things that we went through together. Me cheating on him, a night in Reno that ended with a major test of our relationship, him thinking that I was interested in his best friend... all high drama. M- and I don't have that. We have always been totally together, no question, we're completely open with each other about everything, so there's nothing simmering below the surface that would ever come out as an argument. I'm pretty sure I don't want to change any of that either. But does it take fighting to feel that kind of deep emotion? Or is it always there, but I just don't recognize it because I'm not forced to examine it by those kind of trials? Or did that emotion really stem from W-? M- is not an emotional person in general (not to be confused with being emotionally unavailable), no highs and lows, much more steady. Even more so that me, which is unusual... W- on the other hand was much more bipolar (his mom committed suicide, so it definitely ran in the family). So that could be it too.

Must jet, off to see a movie.

before that, exercise log:
Weds 11/24 hockey practice 8-9am, scrimmage 5-7pm
Thurs 11/25 - thanksgiving!
Fri 11/26 hockey scrimmage 5-7
Sat 11/27 off day
Sun 11/28 hockey practice 1-3, vball practice 7-10
Mon 11/29 weightlifting
Tues 11/30 hockey pickup 6:45-7:45am
Weds 12/1 hockey practice 8-9am


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